


Tavarataivas - My stuff

by turva_auto



Series: Jääkiekko - ice hockey [16]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, M/M, My stuff movie, Tavarataivas elokuva, baker!Patrick, business!Jonny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-10 02:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10426797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turva_auto/pseuds/turva_auto
Summary: Amidst an existential crisis Jonathan arrives at the idea that his happiness might be found by rebuilding his everyday existence. What does he really need – and what about all that stuff?The result? An everyday adventure driving him deeper and deeper into the empty spot in his heart. You’re right: this would be borderline insane even without his decision of constantly filming himself.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mullsandmutts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mullsandmutts/gifts).



> This work was inspired by the Finnish film Tavarataivas [English title: My stuff] and all my thanks go to Petri Luukkainen for coming up with this crazy idea. 
> 
> I want to thank the beautiful PensToTheEnd for her incredible beta. Thanks to allthebros and mullsandmutts for cheerleading when I was 3 seconds short of deleting everything and everybody else on Tumblr I bothered along the way.

**** Entering his condo, he took in the mess that was his life, at the chaos he’d made in just the few days he’d been back in the city. He sighed heavily.

Jonny had just received his master's degree and returned from his summer in Canada to take over his dad’s branch in Chicago when it kind of hit him out of the blue. He had everything a person could want. Money was not a problem in his life; his parents had more money than they could spend. The job his father had arranged was more something to occupy his time than something he needed to be doing. It was expected in his life and well, fuck life.

Life was fucking boring. 

Same shit. Different day.

He would get up in the morning, workout, eat healthy, shower, get dressed and go to the office. There it would be one tedious meeting after another, one business call after another, then it would be back to his lonely apartment or maybe, going clubbing. To break up the monotony, he’d play games with himself during the day. Maybe today he would fire some people or, maybe he’d hire someone new. Maybe he’d rant at an employee, just to see them sweat, or maybe he’d control his indignation that they couldn’t even solve the most simple of problems. More than once he’d bit his lip and not actually just come down on some hapless flunky who was dumb as shit.

It was nothing new, it was everyday life. At least at college, studying had offered a diversion to the everyday routine. His mom wanted them to have a “normal” life as best as possible and there was no backing down on education in the Toews’s household.

He needed something new. He’d slowly go crazy if this was all there was to life.

What was his life even?

It was time to take a hard look at himself in the mirror. He was a rich Canadian kid. His only friends were some frat boys from UND, if you could actually consider them friends when all they did was party and get drunk together. He was hesitant to open up to new people, though, so his college buddies were safe, a known commodity. If they could just manage not to get into too much shit. Thank you TJ being arrested for underage drinking hadn’t been so funny.

Jonny could drop $5,000 in a single night at the club and not bat an eye. At just 24 he owned an apartment that would make a lot of people envious. Rent? - no thank you! Bought with daddy’s money, of course, because well, because he fucking could. 

Jonny got himself a Labatt Blue from the fridge, cringing at the taste. He would have preferred any number of other Canadian beers, like one of the Molson’s that had been in there, or even any one of the local craft beers he’d discovered. But fuck no, that wasn’t happening because someone, quite possibly himself, had drank all of the good stuff already. 

Oh well, he’d just have to make do, this was all that was left, so he’d have to sacrifice for the greater… whatever.

As he flopped down on his couch, his eyes fell on Seabs’ camera and tripod that he’d left the other day. He wouldn’t need it anytime soon, otherwise he would have already kicked Jonny’s door down and besides, if he missed it all that much Jonny would just buy him a new one with his credit card.

That. That was the problem. He could get anything he wanted by just pulling out some fancy card. That was the bottom line. There clearly was nothing Jonny couldn’t have if he wanted it, and yet, even with all of this, his life was empty, making him feel alone, unhappy, unsatisfied. 

That’s when he came up with an idea. He’s not sure it’s the answer to all his problems, but it is worth thinking about. He scrambles to get a notepad and a pen, to scribble it all down before it slipped through his mind and vanished into nothingness.

 

**The rules:**

  1. _Put all my stuff in storage._
  2. _Bring back one item, and ONLY ONE, item per day._
  3. _Not allowed to purchase any new stuff._
  4. _Do this over the course of one year._



 

He remembers his old youtube channel, set up for a student project, but only ever used now to watch and comment on funny and creepy stuff alike, and to make playlists of dumb shit to watch when he gets really bored and smokes something up at the lake back home in Canada. Anything to keep himself entertained in the great white north, eh.

Maybe, Jonny thinks, he can even persuade Seabs to help him film or at least edit it before he releases his - whatever THIS is - to his youtube channel for the world to see. With another swig of his beer, he decides just the logistics alone requires more than one person to carry out this little experiment. He has no choice but to get Seabs and some of his buddies involved, at least if he planned to make do for the first week. It’s not like he couldn’t pay them back afterwards, but that was not the point. If he thought about it like that he was sure to fail, and he was determined that he would succeed in completing this extraordinary idea.

**\----**

A couple of days later, Jonny is sorting through old videos he’s had saved on his hard drive for forever, including some video diary-like journals he recorded three years ago. Like most things he’d done for college, he’d completely forgotten about them. As he watches them, he starts thinking he could edit them into a backstory for his current idea.  Some of them weren’t too bad, he thought. 

He sees himself on his back, looking into the camera of his laptop at a weird angle, brown hair longer than the tightly cropped short, business style he sports nowadays. The circles under his eyes tell about restless nights and the stress of exams and finals alike. He remembers that time like it was just yesterday. His girlfriend, well more like his fuck toy of the month, had just left him. Jonny hadn’t really been into dating much, wasn’t even sure he was into girls at that point. He only picked them up to please his parents, to do what was expected before he got up the nerve to come out to them. He did it not long after she ditched him, but he still looks devastatingly heartbroken in this old recording, alone by himself in this very same apartment - having just moved in.

“Who am I ever going to watch this with? I’m so messed up right now. Everything's a mess. I’m just replacing her place with stuff. I go wild with my credit card.” And yeah, well this was certainly on point.

“There sure is a lot to fucking enjoy. I’ve got the new car, the record player and what not. For real, I have the apartment of my dreams. Downtown Chicago all to myself. Thanks Dad by the way. I don’t have to worry, I’ll just buy everything.” Young Jonny rants on the screen and the entire scene makes Jon almost crumble with how nothing has changed ever since. He’s still like this, somehow, lowkey depressed, a mess, dissatisfied

**\----**

It doesn’t take long for him to decide to get his project started. The very next morning he starts filming the cluster fuck that is his apartment, and his life.

“Okay, so this is what my apartment looks like today.” Jonny narrates awkwardly into the camera as he wanders around the apartment. “You can see that I’ve gone a little crazy with stuff, I mean buying stuff.”

“My bed, my desk, my bathroom, my disco ball. Yeah, I have a disco ball, don’t even ask.  I have no idea why. Anyway, my laundry is drying and that’s a fucking nice fishing reel. Here’s the front door, and hey, yeah, this is me. Hi. I’m Jonny. I’m Canadian. Welcome to my life, to my little corner of the world.”

He flips through some items on his small dresser by the door, “My keys, my Hugo boss and the wallet. Wow, I have a lot of fucking credit cards.” he murmurs as he opens his wallet and pulls them out. Visa, Amex, Discover, all scatter on the wood of his dresser. 

He skips his walk in closet and doesn’t show them all the laundry that is piling up next to his bed, it’s not like he needs to give everything away he figures.

“This is my kitchen, coffee maker, my beloved blender and the gas stove. Fuck!” he sighs as he films the trash that is piling up in front of his fridge. “Yeah, I’m a slob.” 

He goes on, recording all the shit he has crammed into his guestroom.

“My records, a real record player, my fishing stuff, some Hockey memorabilia, also this is the guest room. I don’t think anyone could actually stay in here.” Jonny laughs, before retreating to the living room, it’s not like he had anyone who would stay over anyway. but dismisses the thought immediately.

He goes back to the front entrance, having decided to look in the small closet next to the front door. All of his coats and shoes, gym clothes and other fitness stuff are stuffed into it.  Some of the stuff falls out when he opens the door. “This is how I keep my stuff.” he says.  “Like I said, I’m a slob.” 

He goes to a large wardrobe down the hall. It is neatly stocked with fresh bed sheets, towels and other linens. “This is the way it is, because my housekeeper keeps it this way.  She told me to stay out of it. She doesn’t complain about the rest of the fucking mess that I leave everywhere, and well, I usually trash the place every other week because I’m having some party. Remind me to give her a raise. She really does put up with a lot.”

“So, this is my living room. TV and gaming consoles, my Macbook, look over there is some fancy dining area.” - That  I never actually use, is left unspoken. Jonny drones on in his monotone, suppressing every thought about how no one gives a fuck about all of this and how weird it actually feels to show off his privacy like this.

**\----**

Afterwards he finds the closest storage available with free space and stops by to rent out some space. He’d called Brent and told him about the project.  Brent had eagerly agreed to help, thinking that the whole premise of the project was pretty cool. He went with Jon to take some video of the storage unit before they filled it up. 

The pretty blonde working at the storage units shows him all the available capacities.

“This one is 10 by 20 feet. If you’re looking to store everything, this should be plenty of space. What do you think? Is there enough room for your things?”

Jonny walks in and examines the room, considering it and estimates all the stuff he has in his shithole apartment before he signs up for the storage place. He makes a stop at a local grocery store and gets a bunch of cardboard boxes so he can start packing things up that afternoon. The camera is rolling while he fills them up with books and all his cluster,  occasionally ranting about how it affected him. He might as well go all in with the feelings.

“My stuff’s begun to define who I am. My apartment’s full, but me, I still feel empty. Maybe if I simplify my life, I can figure out who I am and what really makes me happy.” Jon sets a box of books by the front door as Seabs keeps filming. “I don’t know if it’ll work.”

He and Seabs spend the rest of the day packing boxes and dismantling some of the bigger things, like his beds. The next day, Jon calls up a few of his buddies to come help move everything out, one of them offering to bring a trailer to haul the bigger things. It takes several trips and a lot of hours.

As they stand in the storage unit at 10 pm, looking at Jon’s entire life, Jon sets the last box down, summarising the moving process.

“This is the one box, which holds the usual suspects - the things I may need the most. There’s some clothes, socks. I was thinking about a clock, but what would I do with it?”

“I’d take a towel.  I think that’d be important.” Seabs suggests from off screen.

”A towel? I can air dry.” Jonny scoffs.

“Then what about a blanket? You heard me bud. You can use it like a sleeping bag or a skirt. You can dry yourself with it. Or, roll it up into a pillow or you can use it as a curtain. A blanket is the thing.” Seabs teases.

**\----**

The camera does a 360-degree pan of Jonny’s empty apartment, every room, before it settles on him, butt naked with his back facing the camera. Without warning, he bolts out of the room, rushing down the stairs and onto the street in the middle of the night. He grabs some newspaper out of the top of the nearest dumpster, covering himself up hastily, so that he doesn’t get arrested for distributing porn with his video or even worse for public indecency as he introduces himself.

“My name is Jonny, I’m 24 years old and single. I live in Chicago, Illinois and I’m a stuff-lover. I’ve started an experiment to find out what makes me happy.” He speaks to the camera, holding the newspaper around himself.

The scenes cuts from Jonny freezing his balls off to him in the aisle of the storage, the sleek red metal doors in a small hallway projecting an eerie silence. Whoever decides to watch sees Jonny sorting through stacked boxes of his belongings to get his first item out of storage. His choice is his grey, long wool coat to protect his modesty and keep him warm. The scene fades to a black background as the rules he had set for himself roll across the screen, explaining this little experiment to his viewers.

**\----**

When he’s alone and butt naked in his apartment in downtown Chicago it’s another story – not a pretty one, but pretty damn fun to watch he muses as he sets up the camera of the tripod and starts to explain himself in his birthday suit. It’s his first night without stuff and he’s just back from the storage.

“So this is where I...” he has to stop to cough, because it’s pretty damn cold in Chicago in November, even more so if he’s outside, naked as day. He probably got himself a little cold at least but anyway, he pressures through it. “This is where I record myself. Fuck!”

He’s so cold and he only has his coat to cover himself up with, to get a little warmth. It’s around 2 a.m. in the morning. The camera is set to record about another hour before shutting off, so he quits everything for today and tries to get comfortable on the dark hardwood floor to go to sleep, curling up as close to the heating as he can. But it’s a hardship, he squirms and readjust the coat every other minute, trying to ball up into it, before giving up because his long legs wouldn’t fit. He twists and turns, rattling the heating as he accidentally kicks it and curses some more. What kind of fucked up idea did he have again? Was he drunk?

The next morning Jonny feels rattled and stiff but he powers on his camera and shares some more of his thoughts.

“I have to say that the night was pretty interesting. However, once I got to sleep I could sleep just fine. Who’d have thought? It took a while before I realized you can put your legs in the coat sleeves, so you can button it up like a sleeping bag.” He gets up and takes a walk through his empty apartment, taking it all in for the very first time. Everything feels new and untouched.

“It’s cold in here.” he tells the camera.

**\----**

Jonny visits his aunt Karen, he could always talk about anything with her and even though she’s fighting cancer again, she never fails to give him credible advice. He brings the camera and tells her about his experiment. She doesn’t mind being filmed while they talk, and Jonny assures her he will only use some sequences later on, because he can feel it in himself, that while he is learning to live with less stuff, talking to Karen will help him figure out his problems. He could talk with his mom too, but anyway. Things could be difficult.

Karen’s place has always been the same, despite her frequent stays in hospitals, it was warm and welcoming whenever Jonny visited.

“I started thinking about my stuff. It seems like I have so much stuff at home, then I remembered everything you have here. I mean like when you were young, was it always like this or is it more a problem my generation is experiencing, that there is so much stuff everywhere?” Jonny asks sincerely. He really wants to know, wants to know if he is freaking himself out. Karen just smiles at him.

“We didn’t have that many things, when we moved down here. I think people in general didn’t have that many things. It was good if you even had a job. When I was younger of course I bought things that maybe weren’t always necessary. But nowadays I’ve started thinking that this is all left behind anyway. I may have a few years left, maybe less, probably not more. You make do, or else you go crazy and start to buy a bunch of things or give everything away for free. Everything you see.” she laughed.

“I told you how much stuff I had at home and I wanted to put some away, so that…” Jonny trails off, because Karen just laughs and butts right in.

“So you’d see what you really need? That sounds wise.”

“That’s how you find out I suppose.” he smirks.

“Yes, for sure.” Karen pats his shoulder, a band aid still covering where her IV had been fixed to her hand just a few days prior. “You have to decide for yourself what you really need Jonathan. It’s probably the only way to find moderation.”

“If you had to choose, what things would you keep?” Jonny asks her, mentally going through his own list of things he still needed.

“I’m a women so of course I would take the refrigerator, it’s essential. Otherwise your food will expire and won’t stay fresh.” she laughed, making Jonny smile in the process.

**\----**

That’s what Jonny remembers when Seabs turns up at his place on his second day - or first morning, depending how you looked at it - with food. Good old Seabrook would supply Jonny with food for the next few weeks on a regular basis.

His friend just smirks at Jonny in his winter coat as he greets him warmly with a hug. Jonny is grateful that Brent helps him out and just goes with Jonny’s crazy life crisis period or whatever this is, whatever he’s trying to accomplish with his experiment. He hasn’t asked too many questions yet, more weirded out than anything by the sheer fact Jonny started something like this. Brent’s still betting with Duncan, that Jonny might just give up after a week or so. No way he’s sticking with for an entire year. Seabrook had promised to help him whatever happened, though.

Jonny opens the little window on the underside of his two-part kitchen window. It’s practical, that he can part it and that it comes with two panels so this leaves him some space in between. He can store a bit of food there, the cold from the icing wind outside keeping it just like his fridge would.

“Thanks for the food, man.” Jonny mumbles with his back to the recording camera.

“No problem.”

“A man’s gotta eat, nothing you can do about it.” Jonny jokes in his typical dry Canadian humor before returning their conversation to a more serious matter.

“Let’s talk about next week. You’ll have to wake me up for work.” Jonny states rather flustered, because hell this is embarrassing and he hadn’t even thought about it, well at least now he knew why a clock sounded so interesting.

“Right.” Seabs tries to hold in his laughter, because this is all very amusing to him, but fails spectacularly.

“Enough said.” Jonny groans, hiding his face in his hands mortified.

“This is really stupid you know? it doesn’t make any sense.” Seabs laughs before leaving Jonny to his own devices again.

This is a great idea, Jonny is sure of it. It’s funny that his friends seem to disagree with his experiment.

He’s restless in his apartment for the rest of the day as he wanders around aimlessly, stopping at the windows to gaze down at the street. At least if he moves, he keeps warm, but his feet feel like they’ve been stuck into a lake in winter for the last 24 hours or something.

He’s trying to guess when it’s midnight, so he can go and fetch today’s and tomorrow's things from the storage. He had given it much thought and didn’t even feel embarrassed as he rushed out into the snow, his feet naked and wearing only his winter coat to collect his items. He takes a pair of warm boots and a blanket. As he plucks everything from their assigned box, he decided to take a pair of jeans next, because... because fuck it was very cold okay.

**\----**

He gets a free newspaper delivered to his door step the next day and can’t help but feel grateful about it. The scene is so surreal, that Jonny decides to record it, as he hesitantly approaches the newspaper, afraid it might disappear when he nears it.

“Entertainment. Come to me.” he murmurs and only feels a little like a wicked old grandpa. He reads it at the kitchen counter, sucking up all the information he can get, like someone starved of touch. He’s still freezing without pants since he has to wait until midnight, so after staring out of his kitchen window some more like the creepy old grandpa he suddenly had turned into, Jonny decides to take a hot bath. Or at least as hot as his bathtub faucet allows him to, for like maybe 20 minutes, before the water runs cold - thanks to his fucking neighbors. He uses his coat to dry off instead of the sturdy blanket he uses to sleep in at night.

**\----**

Day six finds Jonny struggling with his boxes in the storage, his camera and as well as putting on a pair of pants. Duncan has joined him and is amused as hell off screen as Jonathan ponders what to do about his dress code, considering he has to go into work soon.

“Is warmth or versatility more important? A sweater or a button down shirt? But hey if I fuck it up, I can take the other one tomorrow.” he laughs into the camera. 

Talking to it has become second nature already. “I’ll go for the grey button down. It feels so good to have something to cover myself with.” he giggles as he gets dressed.

Now that he is decent enough that he can return to work already, no one will know if he is wearing underwear or socks at all.

“I’ll take my pay in cash, because money isn’t stuff after all.” Jonny tells the camera while he is sitting alone in his office between meetings.

**\----**

The next thing he gets from his storage is his mattress, because he is beyond done sleeping on the hardwood floor - thank you very much. He flops down on it dramatically, almost kicking the camera off its tripod and sighs loudly. He actually hugs and kisses his mattress without giving a single fuck about how it might look to outsiders, because this mattress is a gift from god!

“There’ll be so much love in my bed tonight, that is something new.” he straight out moans and doesn’t feel embarrassed about it one bit.

Jonny’s sure that he’ll be highly embarrassed when his friends see that part of the videos. When he wakes up in the morning, though, he feels like a completely new person, hitting record on his camera without a second thought.

“I hope everyday will be this rewarding in the future. If every time you get another thing and the standard of living goes through the roof like this. This year will be just one big party. A party of stuff.”

He yawns as he stretches out all his limbs, feeling like putty and ready to go back to sleep again. Nevertheless he gets up and records some of his morning routine, which includes a heavy amount of using his index finger. It makes do as a toothbrush or a knife to butter his toast, you just need to know how to help yourself.

**\----**

At work his colleague Sharpy walks up to him, grinning like a Cheshire cat, looking like one of Chicago’s 50 most beautiful people, as usual. He corners Jonny.

“You know, we’ve all wondered whether you’ve gone crazy Toes, but I guess you haven’t.” he winks, “or maybe you have.”

Sharpy is a straight talker and a good buddy, like Seabs. not as close a friend, but still a buddy, bro, or whatever. Jonny can deal.

“You have your stuff, your cell phones and computers. You go on holiday to your freaking lake in the summer to get better again and do whatever total human optimization you can come up with. You may have no heating, no television, no internet there and nobody calls you, whatever, while getting high off your ass. That’s what feels good. It’s like me taking Abby to Hawaii just different.” Sharpy observes.

“And you go there for two weeks every year.” Jonny dismisses him.

“You always look forward to getting away from everything. In a way, it’s pretty crazy, same as you going fishing on your own for hours on said lake. That’s it. It’s escapism. Everything is about an escape from reality. EVERYTHING!” Sharpy enthuses and Jonny just gives him a wry eye. Patrick Sharp is not entirely wrong but it still doesn’t help Jonathan to figure his shit out and he really would like to flip Sharpy the bird but contains himself.

**\----**

By the tenth day, Jonny has hit a wall of sorts. He spends an extended amount of time at the storage, pondering what to get next. It feels good to sit on one of his chairs for a while, rather than on the floor.  Maybe he should take the chair. Or, maybe…

“Seven things are plenty. I don’t want to take a thing per day. I don’t need to take a thing per day. I don’t need this much. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I can manage with just seven things. Go get the socks. Go get the tuque. Go get the pillow. Everybody has a suggestion, but I don’t need that stuff. I think I won’t take anything. I don’t need to use socks for a year. I don’t need a hat. I just… I don’t want any stuff. I don’t even want this chair. I’ll sit on the floor. It’s like I’m a teenager again. I’m rebelling against my stuff.” Jonny mumbles petulantly, filming himself in the aisle of red storage doors while he contemplates his thoughts before leaving without taking any item with him. He manages to stay away from the storage for 10 more days without retrieving any of his things.

He’s stopped recording, too, for the time being. Seabs takes notice since Jonny hasn’t handed him any material to edit. Usually Jonny will hand him the recorded material to edit on a weekly basis, depending on how much he captures it can vary and be up to two times a week that Jonny strolls into his office to hand him the SD cards. But it’s been almost 2 weeks, since Jonny stopped by and Brent decides it may be time for an intervention. Something must be wrong.

He’s not the one to push Jonny to go on with this crazy experiment of his, he’d been sure it was just a temporary thing from the start, but he also notices that, while Jon may have given up on it, he hasn’t really moved on. Nothing about Jonny’s appearance has changed in several days. No new shirt or anything. He has been wearing the same clothes every day, and that is not acceptable. People are going to start to notice.

Apart from that, Brent needs the material to keep their posting schedule up to date. Without a laptop Jonny couldn’t do anything about all the material he had filmed, and there only is so much SD cards he could switch. Everything has a limit, specially since he doesn’t allow himself to buy new ones. They had decided to release clips covering about five to seven days each, no longer than ten minutes at best, so it had been a week without any updates. That’s bad for Jonny’s reputation. When they started, he had about 10 followers, but by now the number of viewers was increasing daily and all those people wanted to be supplied with content of Jonathan’s journey. So, Brent took it upon himself to investigate, waltzing confidently into Jonny’s office on day 18.

“Hi Jon.”

“Urh Brent?” Jonny looks worn down and is clinging to his coffee cup more than he usually would.

“What’s up with your project? You haven’t given me anything for days. We’re running short on material. Giving up already?” Brent ventures forward, leaning onto one of the visitors chairs in front of Jonny’s desk.

“It’s difficult.” Jonny offers with a sigh, but Brent keeps nagging him until he spills it all out.

“I know you can do this, Jon. You’ve already done a lot. Giving up now, when you’ve started to reach people? You’re not a quitter.” Brent tells him frankly.

“I don’t know what to do.” Jonny mumbles, frustrated. He’s shocked when Brent strides over and pulls him out of his chair by the lapels of his shirt.

“Okay kiddo, listen. We’re going to the storage today and you are going to get your shit together. Capiche.” he orders and pats Jonny’s head like only a father would, smiling brightly. Jonny gives in, because there is no refusing Brent Seabrook.

He tries to take notes of what’s important to get before Brent drags him to the storage after work.

  * _socks, t-shirt_



He writes down those two things, then gives up. He really has no clue what to take.

They are alone in the aisle, which feels like a relief to Jonny given it’s the middle of the day.  He usually comes here right after midnight, when he can be sure no one is around.

“You could do with some fresh underwear.” Brent suggests as Jonny goes through all his boxes.

“Boxershorts. You mean one boxershort, eh?”  Jonny jokes.

“Oh right, sorry.” Brent smiles sheepishly, because even now Jonny clings to his rules.

“Toothbrush, a tuque, pants, a curtain, or well, towel.” Jonny narrates as he holds each item up to the camera.

“Well that’s ten, see wasn’t that bad buddy.” Brent laughs.

“And a bag.” Jonny murmurs, getting his old leather travel duffle out of the mess, the one his father gave him when he first ventured out of Canada and onto US soil.

“That makes eleven?” Brent supplies unsure.

“No, I’ll take my bike, then we are talking about eleven items.” Jonny snorted, moving boxes to free said vehicle.

**\----**

Somehow having the bike makes a world of difference, giving him some freedom again it seems.  It makes it easier to get around town, and also, he hadn’t realized how much he missed the exercise. Jonny relaxes and let’s things settle into a routine again as his life moves on.

On day 41 he can finally retrieve his electric hair clippers and take care of the unruly mess his hair had turned into, as well as get rid of the awful beard he has grown over time. He can’t help but laugh as his face emerges in front of him, reflected in his bathroom mirror. He looks more like a human than before, at ease in his own skin for the first time in a long time, but for just a second, Jonny actually misses his old, clean, manicured look.

His mom comes to visit him, should be arriving any moment as a matter of fact. He’s so lost in his thoughts, staring at his reflection, that the sound of the doorbell makes him jump. He still has a slight mustache going, but well his Maman will only laugh it. If he decides to, he can take care of it later.

“Your mustache looks awful, oh dear.” Andree wheezes. Jonny just hugs her, smiling all the way up to his ears.

Andree knows about the camera so she doesn’t even flinch at the tripod in the hallway or how Brent follows them around recording, silent but helpful nonetheless.

“Dad says hi, he would probably faint if he saw you right now.”

“Nah.” he dismisses, as he leads her to his kitchen. There is not much he can offer her, but she’s his mother and she raised him well, so he tries his best to be a good host.

“It’s so clean in here. Wow, what a surprise. Surprisingly clean.”  she is awed as she makes her way through his living room.

“Oh Maman.” Jonny flushes with shame. His mom knows all about how much of a slob he is.

“Usually I would have to do the dishes first, but not this time. But boy, that mustache is horrible. You should probably shave tonight. It looks terrible.” she groans as she looks back up at him, trying to stifle her laughter. “I can’t… I just can’t look at you, seriously.” she laughs and Jonny just laughs with her. This is his mom and he loves her and to see her smile makes his day so much better.

“Well, nevermind. Is this all you have? Is your bedroom completely empty?” she asks, to make sure, because to be honest she had her doubts about Jonny taking his experiment this far.

“It’s completely empty, Maman. I have about twenty some things as of right now.” Jonny smiles.

“Only twenty things?  Out of all your things?  It’s been a month and a half?” she asks confused.  “Aren’t you taking something every day?”

“No, I haven’t gotten something every day. There are about ten things I could take already. I really haven’t felt like getting any of the kitchen stuff or furniture yet. I’m doing fine with my mattress. Also for some things, just bringing one part of it wouldn’t be enough. A table needs a chair, so I’ll wait until I can bring more all at the same time.” he explains to her and she nods in understanding.

“Right. I have never thought about it like that so deeply. There’s room and time for everything. Do you have a fridge by now?” she muses.

“No.” She looks at him questioningly her gaze checking him over like any mother would.

“I don’t get that? How do you survive?” Andree exclaims.

Jonny shows her his self-made kitchen window slash refrigerator thingie and she almost falls over herself.

“That’s clever, for heaven’s sake. But you’ll definitely need a fridge, it’s not going to stay winter outside forever.” She chides him.

“I know Maman, I know.” Jonny soothes her.

It isn’t long before she rushes him into the bathroom and takes care of his god-awful mustache herself. They spend the rest of her visit eating out, she pays for everything without questioning Jonny’s rules, and talking as she helps him figure out what to take out of storage next.

**\----**

Jonny returns to the storage with a list of 51 things he can now take home, Brent and Duncan going along to help him move all the heavier stuff. One of the things he takes back home is his Macbook after all this time, he also finally relents and brings the fridge, having promised his mom that he’d get it.

After a few weeks, he has come to the realization that while he doesn’t need a lot a stuff in his private life, work is a different matter, there is just no way around it. It’s awkward having to keep asking his staff if he can use their cells when he has meetings around the city. He’d have to slightly adjust his rules, he guessed.

He went to the storage unit and retrieved all of his gadgets, his phone, fax machine, and copier that he needed to be able to work from home when needed. He also made a vow to himself that he would only use them for work. No checking social media. No contacting his friends. He makes sure he records himself repeating those words so that there is evidence.

“I’m just fine without my cellphone. It’s everybody else. Of course, I’m single so my life is easier. I don’t have responsibilities outside of work, so this shouldn’t be too difficult.” He tries to reason with himself.

**\----**

He finds a note on his doorstep from Sharpy, a hastily scribbled monster on a napkin.

_ Hi, you weren’t at home. We went to the steakhouse you like so much for dinner. Cheers!   Sharpshooter (8:36 p.m.) _

It’s not the first time he’s received backhanded comments like that. He huffs at the note and continues in to his apartment. When the strap of his duffle bag decides to break right as he carries it through his front door, Jon breaks, too. When he drops the duffle, he also drops the camera. From off-screen it picks up Jon going on a real rant for the first time since his experiment started.

“Fuck!  Fuck! Fuck!” 

He picks up the duffle and stares at the broken strap that has finally given in and ripped apart, years of carrying too heavy a load taking its toll. Jonny looks on helplessly at this disaster. He can’t go buy a new one. It’s against the rules. And besides, this might not be the best duffle, but his dad got it for him and it’s his favorite.  And he needs a duffle. He fucking loves it, okay.

“Fuck this whole thing!  Just… fuck it!” 

The camera catches him picking up the broken duffle, but then there is just video of the hallway outside Jon’s apartment for several minutes. Eventually, Jon comes back and gathers the camera and other items he’s dropped. He goes into the middle of the living room and sits down on the floor, putting his head in his hands after setting the camera on the tripod to keep recording.

“You know, this would be easier if my friends would just understand. Or, if I could explain to them how doing this has opened my eyes to so much. When I wanted to get together with my friends on a Saturday, I used to just email them. Now all they say is get a fucking phone if you want to get a hold of me. Text me. Whatever.”

He digs into his duffle and pulls out the cellphone, waving it at the camera.

“A phone is directly proportional to how one values a friendship. However if the project is more important, we have to accept it. I made that argument in an email with Seabs just last week. Fuck. What the fuck.” He rants to the camera, not making sense. “He sent me an email that said that it was getting too hard to get me by just email, cause I only have it on my Mac.  And wait,” he looks at the Macbook next to him on the floor, “I was just about to reply cause I wanted to think about it before I did and now Seabs emails me and asks if I’m home.  He’ll be here soon. Oh, I’m so excited. This works just fine. There’s no problem. Brent must have email on his cell phone. He’s at the front door...  oh what a surprise.”

Jonny grunts as he clambers to his feet, picking up the camera to take it with him to open the door. He opens the door to a smiling Seabs.

“Fuck you. I don’t need my fucking phone. If you need to get me and I’m not near my Mac to get an email well, then, you’ll just have to come see if I’m home in person.”

Seabs holds his hands up in mock surrender.

“Easy there, Jonny. What’s got you wound up tonight?”

Jon takes a step back, drops the camera down by his side and stares at Seabs. Seabs, the handyman of the entire project, who patiently helps Jonny record, does all the editing of the bits and pieces, uploads them to Youtube, and monitors the responses for Jonny. Seabs who also washes his laundry, gets his food, lets him use his phone to call home and reassure his mom regularly that he hasn’t died. Seabs who offers to let Jon use his Wifi if he wants.  Seabs who has been there for him for so many things.

“My duffle broke.” Jon sighs, moving aside to allow his friend to come in.   

As they sit on the floor, Jon watches Seabs expertly fix the broken duffle. Brent is his best friend Jon realizes. He can trust him. 

“I don’t want my phone back.” Jon says after Brent hands him the repaired duffle. “I don’t need it. I was going to email you back and say that.”

“Okay. Why, though?”

If Jonny is being honest with himself, it felt good that people couldn’t reach him. It gave him a feeling of being free. There’s a problem, though, it closes out people who don’t communicate with him via his work email or even use email regularly, like his parents for example, or people who would rather use Facebook or Facetime or whatever. But the real reason was even more personal.

“You said one time that I missed a lot of things because I was always on my phone.” Jon says after a minute. “I laughed that off, but, well, you were right. And for the first few days of this project, I really thought I was going to go crazy without it. I kept telling myself to just get it. But, I didn’t. And I get it now, what you were saying. I was missing out on a lot of things, on the world around me. I’m afraid if I have it, it’ll be too easy to fall back into that routine of using it all the time.”

“Can’t you just make it one of the rules, that you can only use if for work?” Brent asks.  “What if you kept it in a locked drawer here, if you weren’t using it to work from home. I mean, take it to work every day, use it there, then bring it home and lock it away. Or lock it up at work at the end of the day if you weren’t going to be working from home that night or whatever.”

“That might work.” Jon muses.

As they sit and talk, Jon slowly figures out that maybe he doesn’t need for all his friends to understand why he’s doing this. He listens to Brent’s suggestions about things, listens to Brent’s voice of reason. Brent understands. And that is all it takes to get Jonny through his meltdown and back on track with his project.

He takes his phone back to the storage unit the next morning.

**\----**

He gets himself a chair out of his storage after nearly four months, but still doesn’t take his phone. He’s gone so long without it, he won’t abuse having it again, he thinks. Maybe he could have it back then. It’s a feeble excuse that he makes his brain believe, and the  next day he finally goes and retrieves his phone.

**\----**

Day 113 finds Jonny in a bar with his friends, they are watching the Stanley Cup finals and everything erupts into chaos as the Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup for the third time in six seasons. They party hard and Seabs films some of the commotion on the streets, the mass of people streaming out to celebrate their team’s win in the middle of this stuffy June night. The feeling is exquisite, but he manages to get his phone screen smashed in the scuffle.

He rants to his camera during breakfast the next morning.

“My IPhone is fucked. I should be pissed about it, I mean, I just got it back.”  He paused, looks like he is deep in thought. “Seems like some utopia or whatever you call it? I can whine about how difficult it is if you don’t have everything. You may have some problems. Relationships could be better, maybe you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. The difficulties in our lives are quite… well I can only talk about myself. My biggest problem so far today is I dropped some food. Tough!”

It’s maybe the closest he has come so far to actually putting a name on to his unease. It doesn’t make much sense, but the viewers love it.  Seabs tells him as much the next week.

**\----**

The summer has finally come and Jonny has lived by his rules for almost six months by now.  His folks are pestering him to come for a visit. It’s been a while, so he guesses it’s about time he takes a trip up to his parent’s. He’ll think of it as a reward to himself, for managing for so long. But it’s not just that, he plans to retrieve something he had stored up in Winnipeg so in retrospect it counts as okay because of that.

It’s his dad’s old yellow beetle. Jonny drives it only during the summer, but he loves that car just as much as he loves his parents - but also he is sick of taking the bus, eh.

Once he pulls up to their house, it’s smooth sailing. David is there as well and he has many questions.  So… many… questions.

“So, is it hard to be in your apartment?” he presses over coffee in their parents’ living room.

“It isn’t too hard. Maybe sometimes.” Jonny admits.

“What do you do there anyway? Nothing. What about a TV, a computer, your touchscreen?” his brother teases.

“No. I don’t have a TV.” Jonny dismisses.

“But you got your sofa? Your bed?” David is intrigued, now.

“No. I have a mattress but no bed.” Jonny is smiling at him all the while recording their exchange.

“But you got your fishing reel?” David tries, because he knows Jonny loves fishing.

“No fishing reels.” Jonny laughs.

“Do you at least have a vacuum?”

“No.” Jonny is amused by now.

“A mop?” David wonders.

“No.”

“How do you even keep your apartment clean?” he exclaims bewildered.

“It’s not that dirty.” Jonny laughs at him. Yes, he is a slob, but less stuff means less mess.  So, at least for now, he is also not as much of a slob.

“Isn’t it boring there?” David wonders, digging into his mom’s pie.

“Not really. I have lots of work to do. You’re really putting me on the hot seat, eh little brother?” Jonny smiles, having some of his own tea and cake.

“What is it that you are missing?”

What is he missing? That’s a good question his little brother offered right there. After the first hundred things it isn’t his fishing equipment, his sunglasses, his records or anything else he hasn’t deemed important enough to retrieve so far. He might be missing a vacuum cleaner, though.

“Do you have a girl or boy at least?” David asks, making Jonny gape at him and his parents chuckle at the boldness.

“No.” Jonny’s answer is hesitant and suddenly his tea feels way too cold to be enjoyable.

“So that’s what you are missing then. You just haven’t found the right one yet. When’re you going to get one?” David concludes but Jonny refuses to answer.

They spend their days together anyway but he can feel his mood sink the more he thinks about David’s words. What is he missing in his life?

**\----**

“I’m so pissed off by the whole thing.” He tells his camera when he is back at home, late at night, alone in his empty bedroom, sitting up against the wall.

Before, whenever he had tried to chat someone up, he had always wanted to leave a good impression, representing himself as very well off.  _ Look at all my stuff. That makes me good boyfriend material.  _ That’s what he used to think, used to say.

The whole idea of taking back a thing per day suddenly just feels unnecessary to him. He has so many things that he really doesn’t feel like he needs, or wants, any more. After 50 or 60 things, there’s nothing to think about. So what is he going to do now?

**\----**

He visits his aunt Karen again for advice and hopes she knows the answer.

“Your things aren’t a measure of happiness, my dear, and your life isn’t made of things. You need to get that from somewhere else.” And just like that Jonny knows that Karen is right.

**\----**

It’s the 21st of August, when Jonny starts to miss at least some of his stuff. He day dreams about a coat hanger one day, while thinking about cleaning. He dreams about dishcloths and a toilet brush and he starts writing a list of everything down in one of his notebooks. His list grows, as he adds the sofa, the washing machine and his bed. Finally, he calls Sharpy and Seabs over to help get the stuff out of storage. After they drag everything on the list back to Jonny’s, his friends drag Jonny out to a bar for the evening after he says “What else could I need.”

They aren’t sure why Jonny hasn’t figured it out yet. They have. From what Jonny’s told them, David has, and Jon’s Aunt Karen, too. But Jonny still hasn’t quite gotten there. But then, Seabs sees Jonny’s face light up. He looks around and finds the object of Jon’s intense gaze. 

Jon sips at his drink, casually watching the other bar patrons. His gaze sweeps across the dance floor and that’s when he sees him. Jon’s eyes fix on this gorgeous blond guy who is dancing ridiculously at the center of the stage, swinging his hips hypnotizingly to the beat of the music. It’s like Jonny’s brain short circuits as he strides over, a little tipsy from the beer Sharpy had provided and asks him out. He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels so brave but he puts on his best moves and blue-eyed, blond-curled beauty smiles and agrees to meet him for a movie on Sunday. Jonny hasn’t even dropped a single sentence about his stuff or how much money he has. Well he usually doesn’t want attention on his bank account anyway, it’s hard enough to find someone who’s interested in him rather than his money. Thankfully not many American’s knew him, or his family’s name, or at least so he thought.

Seabs has yet to tell Jonny that the entire fucking world knows him, because his video series has gone viral. Jon is getting proposals by the minute in the comments. But, maybe, just maybe he forgot to tell him that for a reason.

Brent at least has enough decency to not film Jonny trying to hook up with Patrick, which turns out to be blue-eyed, blond-curled beauty’s name. Patrick is working in a bakery and kind of studying. He’d rather do cakes, college is more something he does to please his parents. He’s not going to get rich as a baker, he tells Jon, but it is what he loves. Jonny doesn’t care how much money Patrick has, or what he works as, as long as he is not a stripper or a prostitute. Well, okay, he could probably even over look that for Patrick. To his surprise, Patrick seems to be totally clueless as to who Jonathan is. Bonus. BOOM BABY!

**\----**

The Saturday before their first date, disaster strikes. Jonny puts his clothes into the washing machine, because there’s no way he would meet Patrick in a stinky shirt.  He’s doing the dishes in the kitchen when he hears a weird sound from his laundry.  It’s a loud plop followed by some dangerous gurgling and he rushes back into the room. Water is running out from underneath the washer, flooding across the floor. 

“Fuck! God damn!” Jonny feels like the universe is trying to sabotage his date somehow.

He calls Seabs for help and tries to get his washing machine to stop the cycle and get his clothes out. It’s a mess is what it is. Seabs at least is helpful and takes Jonny’s wet clothes over to get them washed by his girlfriend, while Jonny mops his laundry room floor butt naked.

“Your mother said, that ecologically, using a washing machine isn’t too bad, compared to washing your underwear by hand every day. The washing machine may be a luxury.” Seabs teases when he returns with Jonny’s dry clothes a few hours later while Jonny still tries to get someone on the phone to look at the problem.

“It’s Jonathan Toews, hi. I was doing laundry and there was a leak with my washing machine. Somebody should probably come to check if a pipe’s broken, or if it’s the machine. So that there won’t be any water damage over the weekend. Because there is water kind of everywhere.” He explains and sighs when they tell him to not use his washing machine and that someone will be over at his place Monday morning. So much for his weekend. Fuck everybody seriously!

But he really wanted to go on that date with Patrick, so he just takes the situation as it is, leaves his apartment in disarray with towels, blankets and newspaper all over the laundry room floor, from when he had tried to mop everything up, and goes to the storage to get a button down, an iron to help work the wrinkles out of his shirt and some nice slacks. He can’t help his nature but he really wants to impress Patrick and he couldn’t do that by looking like someone who had just crawled out of a trashcan. He shaves himself clean like a baby and tries to contain his hair as best as possible before setting off to the cinema.

He takes his camera with him, but only uses it to film Patrick’s flip flops because holy fuck this guy was a mess. He wouldn’t record him without his consent and for that he needed to explain a little, which doesn’t work if you are at the cinema and about to watch a movie. He lets Patrick pick the film and the gross popcorn before they settle into some action chick flick Jonny has not heard about - he has no TV so this is a valuable excuse.

Patrick just gawks at him, when Jonny tells him this.

“Dude, this is the best shit at the moment and you had no idea. Are you living under a rock or something?”  He smiles, all dimples, and well that gets Jonny’s heart rate spiking. Patrick looks adorable, despite being cringeworthy dressed, but something about his style just does it for Jonny, except for maybe that Hawaiian shirt.  Or maybe, Patrick does it for him, as simple as that.

**\----**

David calls him the next morning and starts the inquisition, but no thank you brother, Jonny is at home alone minus Patrick! He had been a gentleman getting Patrick home and refused the mandatory coffee upstairs or the chaste kiss goodbye.  Nevertheless, he really wanted to see Patrick again. He was sincere about that and he took his love life just as seriously as his experiment’s rules.

So, he and Patrick go out every other week, without hooking up, just getting to know each other more and more. Jon keeps his growing relationship with Patrick off camera, wanting to keep this private, not a part of his experiment anyway. The experiment is a temporary part of his life, he wants Patrick to be more permanent.  So, Jonny keeps Patrick hidden from his audience, at least for now. 

He also doesn’t want Patrick to think he was part of the experiment, if he should ever see the videos, because it’s like one minute Jon’s little brother is pulling his pigtails about not having a partner and Jon is falling in love the next. Would make for some awkwardness wouldn’t it?

**\----**

He helps Sharpy when he moves in with Abby because he got her knocked up. Jon does it because Sharpy’s a good friend. Driving stuff back and forth between places presents Sharpy with an opportunity to start nagging Jonny about Patrick. Jonny just smiles, all teeth, and shows Sharpy the direction of Kaner’s apartment when they are at a crossroad, telling him briefly about the couple of nights he had spent there by now without going into much detail.

“You’ve only spent a couple of nights? Tazer didn’t you get your moves on already? I thought you got laid!” Sharpy exclaims, scandalized.

“Not everybody is thinking with his dick, Sharp.” Jonny grumbles, blushing because of course Sharpy is recording all of it - the asshole.

“What’s he like? Your little Peekaboo?”

“Patrick is kind of an outdoor person, very active, likes to do sports, that kind of thing.  But he totally loves to spend his time in the kitchen baking, too. He’s working at a bakery in downtown, all fancy cake designs and shit. It’s breathtaking. You should stop in. Also you are clearly babyfied already.” Jonny suggested and couldn’t help teasing a little.

“You’re biased Taze, I’m not trusting your words. So, what are you two love birds doing this weekend, when we’re done moving furniture?” Sharpy wants to know.

“I was thinking I’d take him to an ice rink. I haven’t skated in years and I would need to make him pay, but the only other option is to ask him to come and bake a cake for me and he does that the entire week, I’m sure he doesn’t want to spend his weekend with it as well.” Jonny explains, biting his lip nervously.

“Toews you are so out of date, bro.” Sharpy huffs amused.

“What? We went to a movie a few weeks back and I already made him pay for that and there are only so many movies you can watch on a laptop, curled up with each other.” Jonny argues.

“You know what. I’ll lend you the money for the ice rink. You put your best moves on and finally claim that young boy’s ass, man it’s about time.” Sharpy drawls.

“You’re disgusting, Sharp.” Jonny murmurs.

“I love you too, Jonny boy. But you better have a date for my housewarming party.” Sharpy grins.

“So, you mean I should ask Patrick to join me to your housewarming party? Wouldn’t that be like he’s my boyfriend?” Jonny wonders out loud.

“He’s your boyfriend already silly. Get over your big head.” Sharpy laughs as he exits the car to move the furniture into Abby’s place.

“It might be too soon. I don’t want to rush him. I’m not sure. It’d be serious.” Jonny whines as he joins Sharpy at the back of the van.

“This is ridiculous and you know it, Toews. It’ll be like now it’s serious. Now I’m committed. Locked! Yeah maybe, but it doesn’t mean you gotta go sweep him off to Vegas and get married for fuck’s sake.” Sharpy huffs to cut him off.

“I’m scared.” Jonny murmurs, realizing for the first time that he’s really got it bad for Patrick. Because yeah, he wants to drag him to Vegas and all across the world. He wants to yell it from the roof tops, wants to go to Winnipeg and make him meet his parents. He wants all of this and he hasn’t wanted any of those things in a very long time.

**\----**

Later over dinner, Jonny tries to list the things Patrick would need to be his number one and only. He remembers his grandma saying a good “boyfriend” - well she was talking about girls but she had no idea up until then -  should know how to boil potatoes and darn socks. He decides to simply ask Patrick straight out the next time they get together.

**\----**

Jonny hasn’t even fully finished his question before Patrick is wiping at his teary eyes and laughing his ass off.

“Seriously Jonny? I can do better than that.” His blue eyes gleam with mischief as he takes Jonny by surprise and pushes him into the cushions of his Ikea sofa.

The road to being undressed is suddenly very short from that point, but having mind blowing sex is not all they do this weekend. Jonny actually helps Patrick bake a cake, because Patrick agreed to film Jonny at least for short amounts of time. Jonny is covered in flour and whisking eggs while Patrick giggles behind the camera.

“You look so cute from here.” Patrick zooms in on Jon.

Jonny laughs at that, feeling his cheeks flush and warmth seep through his bones.

“It’s not like you normally don’t.” Patrick giggles.

Jonny makes kissy faces at that, just to hear more of Patrick’s cute laughter, before the camera gets shut down and they spend some more time away from prying eyes. Jonny hugging Patrick to his chest while he expertly forms the dough and spreads it out, works the fondant and everything he needs until a beautiful cake is done and ready to be stuffed into both of their mouths like the little kids they are.

**\----**

He takes Patrick fishing, which even though it’s boring they both sort of enjoy. They cook dinner together, spend a weekend at his parents’ place, take the yellow beetle for a ride around Winnipeg, ride the ferris wheel together and do lots of couple stuff.  Jonny’s camera is with them, but only gets blurry vague shots, never portraying Patrick’s face. Jonny’s never felt so much in love before. Patrick just fits into the puzzle of Jonny’s life and it’s fucking perfect.

**\----**

Sometimes Patrick joins Jonathan at the storage to pick out stuff or just go through some shit, to get to know Jonny better this way and it’s all like a big adventure for him. Jonny has lots of stuff, no doubt about it, but everything necessary or not holds a story and Patrick loves it when Jonny tells him all the stories behind the different items. He could listen to Jonny talk for hours on end, that deep monotone voice with the thick Canadian accent is really pushing his buttons to a higher level.

**\----**

Seabs - the poor soul -  has to read all the cheesy comments in the section below the clips and for the first time he really wants to quit.

**\----**

Even though Jonny lives in a sort of love bubble for the next months and the year is almost coming to an end, life’s got something in store for him. His Aunt Karen dies, gaining her angel wings shortly before Christmas and it hurts really, really bad. Jonny normally doesn’t cry much, but he spends at least three days curled up with Patrick in bed, weeping his eyes out. Patrick doesn’t ask many questions and comforts his boyfriend as best as he can, because, yeah, losing someone fucking stings like a motherfucker. Patrick knew that first hand from when his grandfather had died last year. Back then he had Gags to help him through the pain and devastation and now he provides all the comfort he can for Jonny.

**\----**

David picks up Jonathan after a week and they both go over to Karen’s place to sort her belongings out. Jonny really doesn’t want to take the camera but this STUFF is part of life as well, so he documents a little of his time there.

Afterwards he hides out at Patrick’s to mourn the loss of his aunt and Patrick is there for him. By the amount of cake he brings home from work, Jonny will be fat before he knows it. He doesn’t care, because every piece of cake tastes like pure happiness, like Pat put all his love for Jonny into the batter.

**\----**

Before Jon knows it, February rolls around again and the year-long experiment comes to an end. He uses the last days to actually go through all his stuff with Patrick. They make a pile of things to sell, things to gift to others in need, and things that actually can go to the trash. A few items he brings back to his apartment, but in the end, he realizes all these are just props. What he needs in his life, the one  _ thing _ , is love. 

Love fills the empty spaces. Keeps his life full. Keeps his heart from being heavy.

Patrick is the one thing he wants in his life. Patrick fills his heart up with enough love that Jonny sometimes feels like he will burst.

The last scene of his movie is a tour through his now re-furnished apartment, with all the stuff he’s brought back.

**\----**

A week later, Seabs posts a final clip, an epilogue. Jon and Patrick sit on a couch, cuddled up together while Jonny summarizes his experience for his audience.

“I’ve showed you one version of a radical lifestyle change. However, upgrading your lifestyle to a more sustainable level doesn’t have to involve a radical reduction of all your comforts. You can still make a positive impact with a smaller degree of effort. Allowing for changes in your lifestyle will reward you with new experiences, will have a positive effect on the people around you and will directly impact our future. Although it’s good to think about consumer ecology, it is important to remember that the stuff making the most drastic impact on the environment comes from the sectors of housing, transport and food.” 

Patrick smiled at that, Jonny is such a dork. He’s awkward as all hell and Patrick grabbed for his hand to offer comfort and help Jonny ease up who is in full business mode.

“The best way to transform the future is to favor compact and energy-efficient housing and construction methods, to use public transport and to eat more vegetables and seasonal foods. If you try you own experiment, to follow five rules on your own, it may feel like a lonely pursuit. It may even feel like child's play. It may frustrate you. Just for that reason, you should share your rules with your friends, so that your experiences and thoughts help create a larger dialogue. It's perfectly possible for us, in the future, to create lasting solutions together. Furthermore, it's useless to be plagued by a troubled conscience all alone, because there are lots of other people worried about climate change. These problems can be fixed! We have to make it easy and simple to do good deeds, and we also need the power of a group. I didn’t start this experiment as a way to lead a more eco-friendly life, but somewhere along the way, I realized that maybe, that was an important thing missing from my life, more important than material things.”

Jon leaned over and kissed Patrick’s forehead.

“But neither material things, nor living an eco-friendly life, matters if you don’t have love.”

“Dork!” Patrick whispers against Jonny’s lips too silent for the microphone to pick it up before the scene fades into black and some credits start rolling.

 

Despite all the stuff one thing hasn’t changed, Jonny is still a geek and a health nut, he just isn’t alone anymore.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I forgot to say something about aunt Karen. I do know that Jonny has an aunt named Karen and that she suffered from cancer (he made a sign and a video for her when it was hockey fights cancer night), though I hope she pulled through and is fine and full of life by now. The script death was not meant to offend anyone. I only wish the best to the Toews family!


End file.
